Dear Whoever,

I feel obligated to respond in writing to your endorsee request so as to be more explicit and clear in my rejection. I hope this letter finds you more educated than when I last saw you, because if you have not improved upon your mental faculties from our last encounter or more likely, if you have lost brain function due to various poor decisions resulting in head trauma, I fear you will not fully grasp what it is I want to tell you.

First, I can tell from your status picture, your mother was quite wrong when she told you it was a phase and you'd grow out of it, adulthood has only enhanced your cagey looks making you appear deranged, I'll give you credit for trying but you should really change your picture to something more flattering, perhaps with less light, or maybe no light, it's hard to pick your best side unless you're out of full view.

I chose not to list some of the many awful bands you've played with because you already know, ever wonder why nobody ever calls you?

If you have been able to process anything thus far through that mung bean sized brain of yours please understand this: you are a repugnant talentless egomaniac who is too stupid to realize that no one likes you. In summary, I'm denying your endorsee request. yours faithfully...

Artist Rep Person for [insert company here]